Starting Over

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Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty. -Proverbs 21:5

I am a good planner.  I am very organized.  I’m good at breaking a big task up into smaller steps, making it easier to get things done.  I write things down.  I have a school planner, a personal planner, a meal planner, and a dry-erase calendar in my home.  I put things in labeled folders.  My flash drive is even organized.

I am not, however, always a hard worker.  I work hard on things I know MUST be done, like work things or basic house chores.  But things that should be done, or that I want to be done, I have a really hard time getting motivated, organized, and actually following through.  

Take for instance several of my summer goals.  I didn’t lose the weight.  I didn’t work out. I wanted to, but I lacked motivation and follow through.  It was easy for me to say, “Oh, I’ll start Monday.  This weekend will be my last weekend of unhealthy eating and laziness.”  And I’d do well until about Wednesday or Thursday.  Then it would start all over. 

I planned on really starting with the healthy eating once school started.  And for the most part I did really well until last week.  Last weekend was so busy, and I wasn’t feeling well.  I didn’t do my normal meal planning and preparation, and this week I’ve really eaten horribly.  And I can tell the difference in my energy level and my mood even. 

I read a few books.  I could have read more, but I just need to make the time to do it.  I read the Bible off and on, but again, if I don’t make that daily time a priority, it won’t happen.

It’s so important to me to have a schedule and have things planned.  If not, I feel like nothing gets done.  But once I get off my schedule, it’s like my whole world falls apart.  I feel like I’ve failed and I’ll never get back on track and I just give up.

That’s so silly.  I have great things happening in my life.  I am working on a better relationship with Christ, and I need to quit beating myself up about not reading the Bible in one month, or spending hours a day in prayer.  I just do the best I can and know that His grace covers the gaps.  My heart is in the right place, and if I keep moving that direction, I’ll get where I want to be.  I know He forgives me, and I know He meets me where I am.  I have to start learning to forgive myself, and accept myself where I am. 

I need to accept that the number on the scale is how much I weigh.  It’s where I am.  And I have to do certain things to change it.  It won’t magically change itself overnight. But I can do it.  And I have a Savior who loves me and will help me.  So there’s really no reason to fail. 

I’ve got to quit relying on myself and beating myself up when I stumble.  I’m flawed in many ways.  But if Christ, who gave his life for me, can accept me and love me and meet me where I am, why should I not be able to do the same?

So starting today, I’m starting over.  I get the chance with every sunrise to shake off the mistakes I made yesterday and move towards tomorrow.  I can become the person I want to be, but I have to be patient and work diligently towards my goals.  It will take months or even years in some cases, but now that the pressure’s lifted, there is nothing and no one who can hold me back.

Over the last week or so, I’ve been wrestling with some things internally, and I keep hearing this song on the radio.  It’s become kind of my calming influence.  I know God is speaking to me.  His love never fails or gives up on me.  No matter what trials I face, His love is constant.  And it overwhelms and satisfies my soul, in a way that nothing else can.  Not food, not fame, not money, not a single thing.

One Thing Remains

I love worship.  I love that I can just have my own little worship session whenever I turn on my radio.  I can’t wait for church tomorrow.

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About Becky

I am a wife, mother, a teacher, and a Christ-follower. I am imperfect in every sense of the word, and I'm learning to be okay with that. I'm learning to live more kindly and purposefully. I desire to become who I am meant to be in Christ, to "be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Ephesians 4:2).

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