I have a quote written in my calendar that says, “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes footage with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
I’m sure that someone very important or smart or popular said these words, and I’m probably doing them a great disservice by not quoting them. But to me, that’s not what’s important here. To me, what’s important is that these words help me not to be envious of others.
Humans experience envy for a lot of reasons: job success, appearance, financial reasons, etc. My main source of envy is not any of these.
I have mom envy.
People tell me I’m a good mom. And I think I do my best. My child is happy, has warm clothes and good shoes, has more toys than he can play with (mostly due to some wonderful friends), and is loved intensely. He has rules and routines and expectations. He picks up after himself (usually). He’s generally agreeable. He’s insanely smart and I think he’s really funny.
But sometimes I feel like the mom with the out of control kid. I can’t let go of his hand in a store or parking lot, no matter how much he wants me to. He will not stay with me. I feel like everyone looks at him and and me and judges me…I must be some horrible mom since my almost four year old will run off laughing when I specifically tell him to stay near me. I feel like a horrible mom.
I envy that mom who has had three kids and has the body of a 22 year old, when I had one four years ago and still look pregnant.
I envy that mom whose kids walk with her in a store, across a parking lot, or anywhere out in public without her having to hold their hands, drag them, or worse, carry them.
I envy them so much. They make it look easy.
But then I remember, I’m only seeing their highlight reel. I have no idea what private struggles they have. I have no idea what issues their children are facing.
I have no idea what goes on in their behind-the-scenes. And they have no idea what goes on in mine.
And I don’t care what they think of me. I’m doing the best I can, and my little boy is loved. That’s all that really matters.
I’m participating in the April A to Z Blogging Challenge. Find out more here: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/